I watched a movie yesterday where a character becomes disabled after a traumatic event. In this one particular scene, the character puts themselves at risk because they are "tired of living in [their] body." It was an emotional scene and got me thinking . . . how long did it take to find my disabled pride? How long did the "mourning" of the old Ellie last?
For YEARS, I viewed my disability as something purely negative. An obstacle I would have to fight against for the rest of my life. I would succeed DESPITE having diabetes, DESPITE my OCD, anxiety, and depression. To be honest, I still and will always have days where I feel like that. Sometimes, I am extremely frustrated with my diabetes or my neurodivergence. Life would be so much easier if I could fit into this "mold" that society has made. It took me nearly 15 years to understand that the issue does not lie within my body or my mind, but with society around me. I do not need to be fixed, systems must be revolutionized to be inclusive.
Fabulous Comics are from @missdiabetes. Support their work on Patreon, through their instagram @missdiabetes, and on their website missdiabetes.com!
At another point in my disability pride journey, I thought I couldn't be frustrated at all with my disability, that I had to only find positive aspects and outcomes. If I let myself become frustrated, I would buy into this notion that disabled people lead less fulfilling lives. But the truth is, living with a disability sucks sometimes. The world is not built for you, and your body forces you to rest. The physical aspects can be exhausting, not to mention the emotional toll of feeling "different," worried about asking for help and being a burden, or simply having to explain your disability over and over again.
What I want to say is that both perspectives can be true simultaneously. You can find pride in your bodymind while also being frustrated sometimes. You do not have to justify your frustration to ANYONE, it is valid. You can be frustrated at your own disability or the society around you, and STILL find pride and community. Both can exist.
Also, be patient with yourself. If you have just become disabled, it is completely ok to take time to mourn the bodymind you used to have. It is an adjustment and takes time. When I was diagnosed with Type 1, I was ashamed and really hated having to focus on diabetes management and carb-counting. It just SUCKED. Growing up, I would ignore my disability and behave like a nondisabled bodymind. I didn't want to stand out or have something "unique" about me, I wanted to fit in. But ignoring my physical and emotional needs almost cost me dearly several times. I refuse to invalidate my existence any longer and DEMAND that my bodymind, along with all others, be included and accepted into societal design.
Fabulous Comics are from @missdiabetes. Support their work on Patreon, through their instagram @missdiabetes, and on their website missdiabetes.com!
And if you aren't disabled but want to be a better friend/caregiver/partner/whoever, here are a few tips.
- If someone is complaining to you about their disability, don't point out the positives. Listen and sit with them in that moment. Be present.
- Remind yourself that disabled people do not "overcome" their disability. We are not objects for your inspiration.
- If someone you know is newly disabled, remind them that they are never alone. They have support networks and a disabled community waiting with open arms, whenever they are ready*.
* I found the disabled community to be healing because I could express my frustration without having to explain why. Other crips may not understand exactly how I am feeling, but they know what it's like to have your body say no. They live through the same exhaustion, surveillance, and self regulation that I do. It's comforting to be around people who get it.
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